R.I.P. Miracle Blanket

O Glorious Miracle Blanket, thank you for those wonderful hours and occasional nights of uninterrupted sleep. You will be sadly missed. The Barracuda is now 14 weeks old and you are no longer recommended, nor do you really fit. No one could swaddle as good as you. Sigh.

I meant to post this yesterday...

Exactly one year ago, I was showing The Bear how to give an injection. I'm sitting here watching The Barracuda swing and grin at a giraffe toy...and one year ago it all started...

In Love

It's almost impossible to describe the love that I feel for The Barracuda, who is now three months old. I look down at her when she's eating and I just want to swoon. I have actually almost pulled a neck muscle multiple times when I've leaned over to kiss the top of her furry head when she's breastfeeding. When I burp her over my shoulder it takes every ounce of my being to prevent myself from hugging her so hard that she might break. It's totally true how bonded you become to this tiny little person. It's wonderful. I loved her so much when she was born I thought my heart was incapable of loving her even more, but that love has just grown exponentially each day.

I am very protective over The Barracuda. I once read in one of my books that that feeling of protection is something left over from mother nature. They described it like how when you have a family dog; it is a wonderful pet, good natured in spirit, and pleasant to be around. Blah, blah, blah. Then one day, the family dog gives birth to a litter of puppies. When you go over to try and pick up one of the puppies, the family dog barks and snaps. Sometimes I can be that family dog. I'm usually a pleasant individual, some might even say I'm nice to be around. But try and snatch The Barracuda from my arms without asking first, well, then watch me growl. It's my job. It's my job to protect her, keep her well fed, warm, safe and LOVED.

That being said, I still enjoy my time to myself and going to work--which occurred last week. It was a bittersweet ending. But I think I'm a better person and a better mom for going back to work. I've been lucky enough to go back part time and hopefully that will be the perfect balance between family and career. I do however miss her, even though while I'm working, she's sleeping.

Speaking of which, sleeping has gotten much better. Thank you Jesus! She usually goes down sometime between 6-8PM and then is up by 5:30AM. Now if we can just get naps down pat then we'll be in business.

Nursing has gotten better. It still pinches occasionally but I'm finding it so much more enjoyable. One of my favorite activities is to nurse her lying down in bed in the morning. SIDENOTE: I saw a picture on E! of Orlando Bloom's Baby Mama nursing her little one in bed...Holy Moly, do I wish I was that hot while a)nursing b)a couple months postpartum and c)in the morning. Ok, I just had to put that out there. Anyways, one morning I was so sleepy, we just stayed in bed and every time she cried I just fed her until she drifted off to sleep. It was a sweet, lazy morning before I had to go back to work that night.

I was worried about working because while I seemed to be exempt from pregnancy brain, I happened to get a double dose of mommy brain. But I was able to keep my shit together and work turned out just fine. Everyone said it would be like riding a bike. That freaked me out because I'm not the most stellar bike rider. But yes, a lot of it did come back to me. Pumping on the job went well and I did have time to do it, which was good. I'm so proud that I made it three months breastfeeding. To celebrate, I treated myself to some new nursing tank tops that were on sale at Target. I only got two, but I wanted to get, like, five! Plus a couple of cute bras, too. Maybe next time when they go on sale...

Ok...this post is rambling...time to sleep!

The Fine Art of Sleep

Ahhh sleep...something that doesn't occur too often in this household. Before The Barracuda was born, I read a couple of different books regarding sleep. Many of the books had principles that sounded so easy to apply. And then The Barracuda was born and all of that great advice goes flying out the window. Like don't co-sleep. Ok, guess what? If I've only slept 3 hours, do you think it's safe for me to try and drowsily take a flight of stairs with a newborn who's head control is sketchy at best? Or is the safer option to keep her next to me in bed?

Now after The Barracuda arrived, I can see what some of these books are actually talking about. I read Babywise (don't be a hater) and while I certainly do not believe in crying it out or denying my child food b/c it's not "time yet." I do think there are some good things about this book...like keeping your kiddo up after they eat during the day. It's not advisable for adults to eat a large meal and then lay down on the couch. Although, I think we can all admit that it feels pretty freakin' awesome to do it.

When I finally got around to The Happiest Baby on the Block, I found that we were already applying almost all of those principles (courtesy of my mom) except for the side sleeping. We are huge fans of the swaddle and the miracle blanket was probably one of the best gifts ever. I also think there is really something to be said about this whole "4th trimester" stuff and how underdeveloped a baby's nervous system can be. Hello Moro Reflex!

I knew this was going to be difficult, but I had no idea it would be THIS difficult. As much as I love my little girl and cherish all of her smiles and coos (even if most of these are reserved for her boyfriend, the ceiling fan), I am still challenged by her. Sleep being the most challenging part of our life right now. I am just so perplexed. First off, The Barracuda comes from a long line of sleepy people. Seriously. Her Lolo has been known to start snoring mid sentence. Secondly, if I'm tired; I LAY DOWN AND GO TO SLEEP. I DO NOT start screaming my head off until my face is purple and wait for someone to wrap me up tightly, start shushing in my ear while swinging and jiggling me around all over the freakin' room. And yet, somehow this is how she will fall asleep in the evening. I swaddle her, start swinging her around, sometimes she takes her Nuk, and then about 5 to 10 minutes later her eyes start rolling back in her head. The minute I sit down or try to lay her down, her eyes will pop open. We try again. Lather, rinse, repeat. We have been trying to lay her down while she's drowsy so she will learn the art of putting herself back to sleep. But I have to be honest, after the fifth time of doing this, I will hold her until she's sound asleep so I can give my aching feet and back a break.

The past week, the night time sleep routine has gotten better. We put her down sometime between 6 and 8 PM depending on what's going on. She sleeps until about midnight, but as late as 2AM, wakes up, eats decently, and then goes back to bed. Then she wakes up again, usually at 4AM, but once she woke up at 6AM-hurray! I'm hoping that we can improve on napping during the day, which she does not like to do. And I strongly believe that her poor napping skills are contributing to her many MANY meltdowns that occur when we try to leave our house and actually do normal adult things like run errands, visit the grandparents, go to church or lunch with friends.

Ok, that's all I have to say about this topic. You should hear what I have to say about breastfeeding (her nickname is The Barracuda, after all). I am still BF and she seems to be gaining weight appropriately, even if she is a little small. But BF was a challenge. I will save that post for another day and after a post where all I talk about is her awesome-ness...because I fear this post is a titch negative...and I truly love my amazing daughter.

Where have you been?

Well, birthing and parenting! It's been quite some time. What can I say, giving birth was exhausting and my recovery was slow.

Here's what happened:
-I was due December 26, 2010. I was over due and was induced January 1, 2011.

-Most people thought I was having a boy, GASP! I give birth to a beautiful girl, and I let The Bear come up with her first name. Her middle name is her gma's middle name-one of the most awesome ladies I know.

-Induction is uber painful, I only lasted 5 hours before I begged for my epidural.

-My epidural was fabulous. So fabulous that I couldn't lift my leg 2 hours after my baby girl was born. Thank goodness because I needed an hour of repair work.

Here's what I wasn't prepped for:
-How freakin' sore I would be! Not just my bottom, my back, my arms, etc.

-How hormonal I would be. The crying for no reason. The feeling like I was going to be permanently stuck in that emotional state.

-How difficult breastfeeding would be. And guess what, it's still not easy!

Here's what I love:
-The million names that I have come up with for this little one, including; peepers, gremlin, kitten, Lady Jane, sweet pea, and Muffin

-The smiles and grins, even if they are in her sleep or at the ceiling fan. Every once in a great while, she makes eye contact and smiles.

-How intently she listens to me when we have our chats on the changing table.

-Staring at her face after her eyes have closed during a late night feeding. The way her eyelashes fall against her cheek and the smooth skin that is the exact same shade as mine.

There are so many more things I love about this sweet girl, I can't even begin to capture them all here. I hope to keep blogging...it was a journey for us to get here and I know we will keep having adventures with this little individual.

Your blog has taken a turn towards the gross...

To quote my oldest bro. Yes, if you are a male relative, this blog has probably been quite strange for you to read. I apologize. But if it's really that disturbing, simply quit reading it :)

I will say that I will probably not post a graphic play by play of the delivery on this blog and there will not be any pictures of my placenta to be found here or elsewhere. Heck, I don't even want to SEE my placenta. That's in my birth plan: I want drugs, I don't want to see the baby come out, and I don't want to see my placenta. I will throat punch the nurse if she tries to show it to me, and I'm a nurse.

Speaking of nursing (my career, not actual breastfeeding), my current state of sore pubic bone has made functioning a little tricky. I was the first to run/waddle to a code the other night and I was the last to arrive and I was a little out of breath. Sad when you consider just a year and a half ago I trucked my way through 13.1 miles. I will get there again someday...it's just a little difficult to believe that I will ever be able to run again. And people think I look SMALL. I feel like I am of whale like proportions.

Regarding nursing (this time breastfeeding) I have not yet gone out to purchase the proper undergarments. I'm going to wait until I'm about 36 weeks so I can get the most accurate fit possible. I did however purchase these bad boys:

And let's just say that I'm a much happier and more comfortable individual.

Seriously, though, I don't think I was prepared for all of the weird and random aches and pains that pregnancy would bring about. I knew about the swollen ankles and fingers--which I've been lucky to not have. Yet. But the fact that it feels like someone swatted me directly in the pubic bone with a baseball bat. Well, that's a fate that I was not prepared for. Oh well. Small price to pay for a little bundle of joy. December 26th cannot come soon enough!

Holy Crap that Hurts!

This past Monday was a day full of me running errands and getting stuff accomplished. It was actually a wonderful day. I also was able to get back in the pool and really get a workout.

Fast forward 5 hours later and I have the world's most sore crotch. Or should I say pubic bone. I think it was a combination of too much breast stroke and the effects of relaxin on my symphisis pubis.



Thank goodness some rest and a bag of frozen peas provided relief the next morning. I apologize if this was too much information.