Things have been quite hectic. I feel like I've lost my mind. Working while trying to settle in to our new house while parenting a 9 month old has proved to be too much for my brain. It's complete mush.
It's quite lovely out here (we have apple trees. WTF!) but it is an adjustment. I've pretty much tripled my drive time to work. Our yard is significantly bigger, so there is more to clean up out there. We have well water and it is AWFUL.
On the plus side. We have carpeting in our living room, a fireplace, a massive kitchen and SO MUCH FREAKIN' SPACE! This is a beautiful home and we're slowly making it our own.
On another note, I've become so overtired and stupid that I can't even figure out how to fill out The Barracuda's baby book. I've screwed it up. I either need to buy white out or a new book and just transfer everything. I have a Master's Degree, people, and I can't even fill out an effin' baby book? The Bear couldn't stop laughing at me.
Time for bed.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
9/11/11
Ten years later I will always remember where I was when I heard the news. I was in college (Part Uno) living on the East Side. I was in the shower listening to the radio shampooing my hair. I heard that the first plane hit the WTC and I got out of the shower and turned on the TV. I was standing in my living room with a towel wrapped around me, dripping on to the carpet when I saw the second plane hit. Live.
I will always remember.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Paranoia
Of the milk variety. The Barracuda is officially 8 months old and breastfeeding has suddenly become challenging again. She is has been nosey and easily distracted for months. She has been squirmy for months. Lately it's like she's trying to slither off my lap to run away (if she could run). Well, now, it's like wrestling a freakin' marlin.
I have tried all of the usual tricks like nursing in a quiet, dim room. I have tried a variety of nursing positions. She nurses, at best for 2-3 minutes. I hear her gulping and swallowing but it's only for a little time. I think she's making enough wet diapers, but we just went up a size and sometimes I think that that can mask how much urine she truly makes. A Target brand size 3 is for 16-28 lb baby. That's a huge range! The Barracuda might be 17 lbs at best. I won't know for sure until her weigh in at next months well baby visit.
As far as milk supply goes...I don't really know how much I'm producing. I still pump on occasion and when I'm at work, but Baby Bear isn't so fond of the bottle these days. I mostly use the milk for her oatmeal in the morning. When I do pump, I'm only getting out about 2 oz in the evening. I haven't skipped a feeding and pumped in FOREVER so it would be hard to tell how much I might actually be producing. Especially if I don't regularly pump. And I know that my baby is far more efficient at removing milk from a boob than a pump will ever/can be. But I'm a Type A Worry Wort who likes numbers and objective evidence.
All I know is that The Barracuda is becoming increasingly difficult to feed and my ta-tas aren't as full. And L>R. I still experience the sensation of let down 70% of the time when I nurse her. And I still leak out of the left if I start with the right. WTF? I'm perplexed. No one I know IRL has feeding issues with their little ones. Or sleeping issues for that matter. But alas, this post is about feeding, not sleeping.
I have tried all of the usual tricks like nursing in a quiet, dim room. I have tried a variety of nursing positions. She nurses, at best for 2-3 minutes. I hear her gulping and swallowing but it's only for a little time. I think she's making enough wet diapers, but we just went up a size and sometimes I think that that can mask how much urine she truly makes. A Target brand size 3 is for 16-28 lb baby. That's a huge range! The Barracuda might be 17 lbs at best. I won't know for sure until her weigh in at next months well baby visit.
As far as milk supply goes...I don't really know how much I'm producing. I still pump on occasion and when I'm at work, but Baby Bear isn't so fond of the bottle these days. I mostly use the milk for her oatmeal in the morning. When I do pump, I'm only getting out about 2 oz in the evening. I haven't skipped a feeding and pumped in FOREVER so it would be hard to tell how much I might actually be producing. Especially if I don't regularly pump. And I know that my baby is far more efficient at removing milk from a boob than a pump will ever/can be. But I'm a Type A Worry Wort who likes numbers and objective evidence.
All I know is that The Barracuda is becoming increasingly difficult to feed and my ta-tas aren't as full. And L>R. I still experience the sensation of let down 70% of the time when I nurse her. And I still leak out of the left if I start with the right. WTF? I'm perplexed. No one I know IRL has feeding issues with their little ones. Or sleeping issues for that matter. But alas, this post is about feeding, not sleeping.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sigh
Life has been super busy. We closed on our old house, which was very exciting, but then the mad dash began to find a new house. Which we did find and we put an offer in on it. I will spare you the details here, but basically the sellers were less than impressed with our first offer and wouldn't budge. We ended up offering and counter offering a couple of times, only to lose the house in the end. It was really a blessing in disguise because if we would have gotten that house for the final amount we offered, I would have been a little embarrassed. The current market almost promises that you should get houses for kick ass deals, and this would not have been a kick ass deal. Whatever, those sellers were jerks.
So we basically lost a week with that whole mess. We put in an offer on another place that we love (but for reasons different than the first house) and we got it but the previous owners could not close when we needed to because they are scrambling to find a place. SOOOO we moved in with my parents. It's really not that bad--they have plenty of space and have cable and are fun and cook a lot. We have been feasting like kings. So much for trying to lose some of that baby weight. My only complaint, and they know this, is that they seem to still think I'm twelve years old. I guess I will always be their little girl. I'm sure when The Barracuda is 30 I will be constantly hounding her about eating right and getting enough sleep. I'm sure that after decades of worrying about sleeping and eating it's very difficult to just suddenly reprogram your brain a different way.
Speaking of which! The Barracuda is 8 months old today! I cannot believe it! So many fun things have been happening this past month. At the end of June (I think?) she started being able to sit up without being propped up. For over a month now she's been getting up on all fours and rocking around like a crazy person. She also has been getting into a plank position (JC, I can barely do that!) and then the past week she's been able to sort of sit on her hip. She's almost coordinated the movements of crawling and when you hold her in your lap she twists around and scales up your body until she's almost over your shoulder. She's possibly the squirrliest little thing that I've ever seen. And she's finally teething. It looks like both lower incisors have been right under the surface for a week or so, and the left one is about to make a break for it.
I don't really care about the teeth thing too much. It just means that she'll have something sharper in her mouth to bite me with. Because right now she clamps down with those pointy little gums and smiles at me when she's nursing. She gives me this wide-eyed expression, like, "I'm biting you and I know it hurts but I love you so much!" And the physical abuse doesn't stop there. She loves to pinch. She will grab any skin and just pinch. Loose neck skin, back fat, stomach rolls, you name it she'll pinch it. She even gives little tiny snake-bites on your forearm. I think my FAVORITE is when she nurses on my left side she takes her right hand and reaches up to my tricep (or where my tricep should be) and pinches while she eats. She has actually bruised me here. It hurt so bad one night I thought the left side of my face was going to go numb. It was wonderful.
She's still waking up during the middle of the night. Usually she goes down between 7-8 pm with the occasional 9 pm bedtime. Then she wakes up before midnight once, which I really don't think is that big of a deal. Then sometimes she wakes at 2, then at 5. Other times she'll sleep through until 5 or 6. Sometimes she'll go back down until 7. She never has a problem going back to sleep, which is awesome. It's just a matter of getting up and letting her nurse a little bit. I don't know how I feel about this. I mean, I'm exhausted. And then on the nights I work, The Bear is getting up and he's exhausted. His threshold for sleep deprivation is lower than mine, and I feel bad. But I have to cut her some slack--we've moved back in with my parents and she's sleeping in a pack in play and she's been teething. That's a lot of changes for my little peanut. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, her cry is totally different than before--instead of a whimper, she's full on screaming. And, in the past, she'll stop crying once we pick her up and now it's pretty hard to comfort her unless a boob gets shoved in her mouth. Ugghh, I'm just concerned. We'll be able to get into our new place Sep. 15. I have lofty goals that by her nine month check up that things will be a little less crazy and maybe I can troubleshoot this problem with our pediatrician. She really has no problem going to sleep, it's staying asleep for a prolonged period of time that is the issue. She also naps twice a day, so I feel like I can't complain TOO much.
So we basically lost a week with that whole mess. We put in an offer on another place that we love (but for reasons different than the first house) and we got it but the previous owners could not close when we needed to because they are scrambling to find a place. SOOOO we moved in with my parents. It's really not that bad--they have plenty of space and have cable and are fun and cook a lot. We have been feasting like kings. So much for trying to lose some of that baby weight. My only complaint, and they know this, is that they seem to still think I'm twelve years old. I guess I will always be their little girl. I'm sure when The Barracuda is 30 I will be constantly hounding her about eating right and getting enough sleep. I'm sure that after decades of worrying about sleeping and eating it's very difficult to just suddenly reprogram your brain a different way.
Speaking of which! The Barracuda is 8 months old today! I cannot believe it! So many fun things have been happening this past month. At the end of June (I think?) she started being able to sit up without being propped up. For over a month now she's been getting up on all fours and rocking around like a crazy person. She also has been getting into a plank position (JC, I can barely do that!) and then the past week she's been able to sort of sit on her hip. She's almost coordinated the movements of crawling and when you hold her in your lap she twists around and scales up your body until she's almost over your shoulder. She's possibly the squirrliest little thing that I've ever seen. And she's finally teething. It looks like both lower incisors have been right under the surface for a week or so, and the left one is about to make a break for it.
I don't really care about the teeth thing too much. It just means that she'll have something sharper in her mouth to bite me with. Because right now she clamps down with those pointy little gums and smiles at me when she's nursing. She gives me this wide-eyed expression, like, "I'm biting you and I know it hurts but I love you so much!" And the physical abuse doesn't stop there. She loves to pinch. She will grab any skin and just pinch. Loose neck skin, back fat, stomach rolls, you name it she'll pinch it. She even gives little tiny snake-bites on your forearm. I think my FAVORITE is when she nurses on my left side she takes her right hand and reaches up to my tricep (or where my tricep should be) and pinches while she eats. She has actually bruised me here. It hurt so bad one night I thought the left side of my face was going to go numb. It was wonderful.
She's still waking up during the middle of the night. Usually she goes down between 7-8 pm with the occasional 9 pm bedtime. Then she wakes up before midnight once, which I really don't think is that big of a deal. Then sometimes she wakes at 2, then at 5. Other times she'll sleep through until 5 or 6. Sometimes she'll go back down until 7. She never has a problem going back to sleep, which is awesome. It's just a matter of getting up and letting her nurse a little bit. I don't know how I feel about this. I mean, I'm exhausted. And then on the nights I work, The Bear is getting up and he's exhausted. His threshold for sleep deprivation is lower than mine, and I feel bad. But I have to cut her some slack--we've moved back in with my parents and she's sleeping in a pack in play and she's been teething. That's a lot of changes for my little peanut. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, her cry is totally different than before--instead of a whimper, she's full on screaming. And, in the past, she'll stop crying once we pick her up and now it's pretty hard to comfort her unless a boob gets shoved in her mouth. Ugghh, I'm just concerned. We'll be able to get into our new place Sep. 15. I have lofty goals that by her nine month check up that things will be a little less crazy and maybe I can troubleshoot this problem with our pediatrician. She really has no problem going to sleep, it's staying asleep for a prolonged period of time that is the issue. She also naps twice a day, so I feel like I can't complain TOO much.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!
Lots of new things going on here. We sold our lair and are currently hunting for a new abode. It has been relatively stressful, but I think we're coping just fine considering that we were outbid on a beautiful house. That's OK. We ended up bidding on another beautiful home. Good problems to have, right?
Baby Bear is going to be 7 months on Monday. I cannot believe I have a 7 month old! And she is awesome. I think the sun shines out of her ass. I really do. This past week she has been up on all fours and has mastered the fine art of sitting independently. Now when she sits on the couch she grabs the arm rest and peers over it like she might find lost treasure. All very exciting things.
I'm still breastfeeding and still loving it. Especially since Baby Bear has zero teeth. She still knows how to bite me. I don't love her any less for it, but man oh man does it really hurt. I think I actually cried once.
She's still waking up during the night about 75% of the time to eat. I'm OK with it since she's so petite. If I had a 20 lb chunker (like so many of my friends do) I would probably tell her to roll over and go back to bed. I don't know, maybe it's the oxytocin high, but I really don't mind it. There's something so precious about snuggling in the wee hours of the morning and watching her eat with her eyes closed. She's so calm and sleepy and sweet. Which is a little different from the nosey, distracted, albeit sweet 7 month old that I feed during daylight hours. Soon enough she will be scrambling to get off of my lap. Before you know it, she'll be screaming at me about how much she hates me because I won't let her wear something or do something and I'll be looking back wistfully at those 3 AM feedings, right?
Baby Bear is going to be 7 months on Monday. I cannot believe I have a 7 month old! And she is awesome. I think the sun shines out of her ass. I really do. This past week she has been up on all fours and has mastered the fine art of sitting independently. Now when she sits on the couch she grabs the arm rest and peers over it like she might find lost treasure. All very exciting things.
I'm still breastfeeding and still loving it. Especially since Baby Bear has zero teeth. She still knows how to bite me. I don't love her any less for it, but man oh man does it really hurt. I think I actually cried once.
She's still waking up during the night about 75% of the time to eat. I'm OK with it since she's so petite. If I had a 20 lb chunker (like so many of my friends do) I would probably tell her to roll over and go back to bed. I don't know, maybe it's the oxytocin high, but I really don't mind it. There's something so precious about snuggling in the wee hours of the morning and watching her eat with her eyes closed. She's so calm and sleepy and sweet. Which is a little different from the nosey, distracted, albeit sweet 7 month old that I feed during daylight hours. Soon enough she will be scrambling to get off of my lap. Before you know it, she'll be screaming at me about how much she hates me because I won't let her wear something or do something and I'll be looking back wistfully at those 3 AM feedings, right?
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Apparently Size Does Matter
With babies at least. Random strangers will approach us and remark how small she is. Yes, she is only 25% for weight, but she's 75% for length. She's on the growth chart people--there are actual thriving babies that aren't. But remarking on how small she is isn't the bad part. It's the actual disbelief that some people show when we say that she is 5.5 months old:
RANDOM IDIOT: What a beautiful baby!
ME: Thanks!
RANDOM IDIOT: How old is she?
ME: A little over 5 months.
RANDOM IDIOT: Really? She doesn't look a day over 3 months.
ME: She's 5 months old.
RANDOM IDIOT: So small...
I wanted to scream, "FU lady!" while I kicked her shins.
Then the following week:
STUPID MORON: She's so small!
ME: Well, she's 25% for weight, 75% height. Her pediatrician says she's perfectly healthy.
STUPID MORON: Really? How much does she weigh?
ME: She was 7# 10oz at birth and at her 4 month check she was 12# 5oz. She's over 5 months now.
STUPID MORON: Well, I just don't believe that she's over 12 lbs.
WTF you piece of shit! I almost said, "Well, if you want, you can certainly accompany us to our next doctor's appointment. You know, for your own piece of mind."
I know that I shouldn't let this bother me, but seriously, random people come up to us all the time. Since when did it become acceptable for people to become such idiots? I guess I'm just shocked...although, I really shouldn't be. I should remember how random people would tell me how small I looked when I was pregnant. Did I ever mention how a coworker lovingly stroked my belly and said, "It's a boy. Five, maybe 6 pounds?" I wanted to swat her hand away and say, "Five pounds!? Where the hell did the other 45 go?" That's ok, the jokes on her, Baby Bear was very average in weight and lacked a penis.
Moral of this story: Grow some balls and don't listen to anyone (random stranger or friends) when it comes to my baby's weight. It's between us and her pediatrician, who happens to think that she's small, but very very healthy and social.
Coming up: Flying with Baby Bear...our coastal adventures!
RANDOM IDIOT: What a beautiful baby!
ME: Thanks!
RANDOM IDIOT: How old is she?
ME: A little over 5 months.
RANDOM IDIOT: Really? She doesn't look a day over 3 months.
ME: She's 5 months old.
RANDOM IDIOT: So small...
I wanted to scream, "FU lady!" while I kicked her shins.
Then the following week:
STUPID MORON: She's so small!
ME: Well, she's 25% for weight, 75% height. Her pediatrician says she's perfectly healthy.
STUPID MORON: Really? How much does she weigh?
ME: She was 7# 10oz at birth and at her 4 month check she was 12# 5oz. She's over 5 months now.
STUPID MORON: Well, I just don't believe that she's over 12 lbs.
WTF you piece of shit! I almost said, "Well, if you want, you can certainly accompany us to our next doctor's appointment. You know, for your own piece of mind."
I know that I shouldn't let this bother me, but seriously, random people come up to us all the time. Since when did it become acceptable for people to become such idiots? I guess I'm just shocked...although, I really shouldn't be. I should remember how random people would tell me how small I looked when I was pregnant. Did I ever mention how a coworker lovingly stroked my belly and said, "It's a boy. Five, maybe 6 pounds?" I wanted to swat her hand away and say, "Five pounds!? Where the hell did the other 45 go?" That's ok, the jokes on her, Baby Bear was very average in weight and lacked a penis.
Moral of this story: Grow some balls and don't listen to anyone (random stranger or friends) when it comes to my baby's weight. It's between us and her pediatrician, who happens to think that she's small, but very very healthy and social.
Coming up: Flying with Baby Bear...our coastal adventures!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Oy, my ta-tas!
Breastfeeding. Did I ever mention how I anticipated breastfeeding when I was pregnant? I used to imagine placing my child lovingly to my breast while they gently suckled to feed. There may have even been fake wind in this fantasy, I know there were blue birds chirping and possibly even landing on my shoulders. I mean, how could it be hard? It's so NATURAL, DUH. It's the best thing for your baby AND you bond with them.
Surprisingly only one person open mouth laughed at me when I described this vision (without the wind and birds). During those late, painful hours, I actually heard her laugh echoing in my head. God, I can only imagine how many more people made fun of me behind my back.
Dude, breastfeeding is HARD. Baby Bear is 4 months and some change and only recently have I found it rewarding. Now, we have had some obstacles. First, Baby Bear was tongue tied. Now, while that may not affect some babies, it sure prevented Baby Bear from sticking out her tongue, so she was biting down when latching. Hence the nickname The Barracuda. I remember it hurting so bad that I sobbed during an entire feeding. My toes used to curl and I swear once I thought I was going to pee from the pain. I was very lucky I never cracked or bled.
Then I got thrush. And that took awhile to clear up despite Jack Newman's magic nipple cream or whatever the hell that was that I was using. It didn't matter, all I kept thinking was, " EWWWW! You have a yeast infection on your boobies!"
It took 3 weeks for us to see an ENT who promptly clipped it after making strange remarks about how if we didn't have The Barracuda's phrenulum clipped she would have a hard time eating peanut butter when she was older and have difficulty with "Sexual things, you know like kissing." Ummmm, I don't really want to think about that with my 3 WEEK OLD DAUGHTER WEIRDO! She tolerated the procedure quite well. Two snips with a tiny scissors and lots o' money later (half of which insurance covered) and she was good to go. She didn't even whimper. That's how sleepy of a new born I had. But the damage had been done...3 weeks of an incorrect latch and the little stinker still liked to bite even though she could stick her tongue out halfway down her chin.
After a phone call to the lactation consultant, I was instructed to try to get her to mimic me sticking out my tongue when she was alert. This was supposed to help her stick out her tongue before she latched on. She occasionally does this. The reality is that while she's trying to latch on, I yell, "Open wide! Stick out your tongue!" and I get my nipples pinched. 20 weeks later, it only pinches for a second, or in the morning when I'm engorged.
I'll never forget the day I finally figured out how to breastfeed laying down. It was amazing. Perhaps that's when I really felt the bonding. Snuggling with The Barracuda while she nursed and I rubbed her furry little head. It was amazing. Whoever thought you could fall asleep with pain shooting towards your armpits while someone took a cheese grater to your nipples? I guess I was really that tired.
Despite all of the pain and hard work, I find it so amazing (and still a little weird) that our bodies can do this. I mean, obviously we're MAMMALS but I guess you don't really realize that until you put those mammary glands to good use. It's crazy to think that I make food for my daughter without warming or prepping or baking anything.
I've made it to 4 months, now I'd like to make it to 5. I find that setting small goals is the best for me right now. I would probably find it much more amazing/wonderful if I had a roley-poley piglet. Alas, I have a long, lean supermodel. Our pediatrician isn't worried, she just gently reminded me that we should watch it because she is slipping down a growth curve each visit. Which is strange because this child is attached to my boobies all day long. And she is shitting up a storm. You know how you hear that breastfed babies don't poop as often? Not our girl, every morning it's like clockwork and now that I've started a little rice cereal, it's during the afternoon too.
So, yes, breastfeeding was/is difficult. But it is SO SO SO rewarding right now and I am so so so happy that I've stuck it out thus far. I still want to bitch slap anyone who says that you might experience "some discomfort" for a week or two, though. Me and my sore nipples say screw you.
Surprisingly only one person open mouth laughed at me when I described this vision (without the wind and birds). During those late, painful hours, I actually heard her laugh echoing in my head. God, I can only imagine how many more people made fun of me behind my back.
Dude, breastfeeding is HARD. Baby Bear is 4 months and some change and only recently have I found it rewarding. Now, we have had some obstacles. First, Baby Bear was tongue tied. Now, while that may not affect some babies, it sure prevented Baby Bear from sticking out her tongue, so she was biting down when latching. Hence the nickname The Barracuda. I remember it hurting so bad that I sobbed during an entire feeding. My toes used to curl and I swear once I thought I was going to pee from the pain. I was very lucky I never cracked or bled.
Then I got thrush. And that took awhile to clear up despite Jack Newman's magic nipple cream or whatever the hell that was that I was using. It didn't matter, all I kept thinking was, " EWWWW! You have a yeast infection on your boobies!"
It took 3 weeks for us to see an ENT who promptly clipped it after making strange remarks about how if we didn't have The Barracuda's phrenulum clipped she would have a hard time eating peanut butter when she was older and have difficulty with "Sexual things, you know like kissing." Ummmm, I don't really want to think about that with my 3 WEEK OLD DAUGHTER WEIRDO! She tolerated the procedure quite well. Two snips with a tiny scissors and lots o' money later (half of which insurance covered) and she was good to go. She didn't even whimper. That's how sleepy of a new born I had. But the damage had been done...3 weeks of an incorrect latch and the little stinker still liked to bite even though she could stick her tongue out halfway down her chin.
After a phone call to the lactation consultant, I was instructed to try to get her to mimic me sticking out my tongue when she was alert. This was supposed to help her stick out her tongue before she latched on. She occasionally does this. The reality is that while she's trying to latch on, I yell, "Open wide! Stick out your tongue!" and I get my nipples pinched. 20 weeks later, it only pinches for a second, or in the morning when I'm engorged.
I'll never forget the day I finally figured out how to breastfeed laying down. It was amazing. Perhaps that's when I really felt the bonding. Snuggling with The Barracuda while she nursed and I rubbed her furry little head. It was amazing. Whoever thought you could fall asleep with pain shooting towards your armpits while someone took a cheese grater to your nipples? I guess I was really that tired.
Despite all of the pain and hard work, I find it so amazing (and still a little weird) that our bodies can do this. I mean, obviously we're MAMMALS but I guess you don't really realize that until you put those mammary glands to good use. It's crazy to think that I make food for my daughter without warming or prepping or baking anything.
I've made it to 4 months, now I'd like to make it to 5. I find that setting small goals is the best for me right now. I would probably find it much more amazing/wonderful if I had a roley-poley piglet. Alas, I have a long, lean supermodel. Our pediatrician isn't worried, she just gently reminded me that we should watch it because she is slipping down a growth curve each visit. Which is strange because this child is attached to my boobies all day long. And she is shitting up a storm. You know how you hear that breastfed babies don't poop as often? Not our girl, every morning it's like clockwork and now that I've started a little rice cereal, it's during the afternoon too.
So, yes, breastfeeding was/is difficult. But it is SO SO SO rewarding right now and I am so so so happy that I've stuck it out thus far. I still want to bitch slap anyone who says that you might experience "some discomfort" for a week or two, though. Me and my sore nipples say screw you.
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