Walking Wounded

Seriously. Twenty-Twelve has been a little rough. The Barracuda got the flu a couple weeks into January. It's my fault. I admitted a patient that was basically peeing out of his butt and a poop germ wound up in my system. I came down with the flu about 36 hours after my shift was done. Thirty-six hours after I was laying in bed with severe abdominal cramping, my daughter had it. First the squirts, then vomiting, then an ungodly high temperature. Luckily she likes her milk and water and stayed hydrated. Unfortunately with the diarrhea came the worlds worst diaper rash. We have often joked about The Barracuda's "Buns of Steel." We could seriously keep her in a wet diaper all day and her bottom wouldn't even be the slightest hint of pink. Six hours of diarrhea and her bottom was torn to shreds. Like the mere sight of her girly bits reduced me to tears. Ugh. Terrible. Do you know how horrified I was to transmit this to my daughter??? That I was responsible for her pristine system being invaded and violated?

Then The Bear had a head cold during his vacation time. Not horrible, but he was a little whiny and I was far from sympathetic.

Then our beloved dog had a little accident at the groomer. His toenail was ripped off in a grate. He was taken to an emergency vet and given pain medication and sedation and then his little digit was treated. They were very nice and thorough, blah blah blah, but they have him 4 effing milligrams of dilaudid. He only weighs 85 lbs. The poor guy was like a drunken sailor for the rest of the night. The Bear had to carry him from the car and up the stairs.

THEN last week The Barracuda started having a runny nose. At the time I thought it might be teething. Then it turns into a full blown cold this weekend. With a low grade fever starting yesterday morning. She's miserable. She no longer lets me suction out her boogers and freaks out anytime I go near her nose. I even tried the NoseFrida (which I'm secretly jealous I didn't invent) and she is PISSED. I have never felt so helpless in my life trying to make her feel better. And I secretly think if I hadn't weaned her she never would have gotten any of these ailments.

Oh, and our puppington? He had his teeth cleaned last Friday, which resulted in having a cracked and rotten tooth extracted. He also had 3 moles/skin tags removed (2 of which were new that had gotten bigger in the last 2 months). Now I'm anxiously awaiting the pathology report.

And I'm sick too. End of story. End of whining.

Keep on keepin' on

Exhausted. The Barracuda's sleep schedule was all jacked up from the flu a couple of weeks ago. January was a rough month. I think things are getting a little bit better. She sort of slept through the night last night, although at times it was a fitful sleep.

She also has a diaper rash that just won't disappear. Things will be all good and then her little bottom will be pink again. I just feel bad for her. She already hates diaper changes, a sore bottom isn't helping the situation.

Other than that, life continues to go on. My apologies for the lame post.

The Big Wean

I had a lot of mixed feelings about weaning The Barracuda. I still do. For instance, the morning that I tried to shove a boob in her mouth and she bit me so hard I thought (just for the briefest of moments, and I would NEVER do this) that I might punch her. Six teeth left an interesting impression on my right nipple. Let's face it, after one year of breastfeeding, my nips weren't exactly the hottest on the planet. I guess the teeth marks really elevated them to deafcon 7. Flash forward to evening/bedtime nursing, and I would have the sweet girl who delicately nursed while clutching her lovey, only occasionally letting go to shove a pudgy hand in my mouth or up my left nostril.

I remember, towards the end, when I tried to nurse her one morning (the day after I had just skipped an early morning feed) she hungrily nursed only to be met with...NOTHING. Oh, did she pull back with a lock of shock and anger. She immediately started to cry. The kind of cry reserved for scary strangers and vaccinations. And while she stared at me with her beet red face, the tears streaming, she pointed at me. ACCUSINGLY. Oofta. That image will guilt me into something later in life.

Biting and finger pointing aside, I think the main reason I stopped was that I just couldn't do it anymore. I could not haul my ta-tas out one more time. On top of it, I started getting my period back in October. Do you know how freakin' taxing it is to nurse and menstruate? I assure you, it sucks. I was WIPED.

Ultimately I am happy that I did finally wean her. And a happy mom leads to a happy baby/toddler. And I'm damn proud of myself that I did make it to my goal of a year for breastfeeding.

Absolutely...

Nothing beats seeing my parents with my daughter. To see their hearts melt as they hold her and play with her. To see my gentle dad bounce The Barracuda up and down makes my heart swell. To see the pride my mom takes in feeding my daughter home cooked meals or how she gladly changes a poopy diaper makes me want to cry with happiness.

Regardless of what your relationship is with your parents, I think you sometimes forget or have an altered memory of your relationship when you were a young child. My relationship is wonderful with my parents as an adult. And I know that it was wonderful as a child. But I feel like I can't even remember what that relationship was like as a young girl! I feel like I can only glean bits and pieces. How freakin' sad!

I didn't really know my grandparents. It wasn't a huge deal, we lived far away from family so the I always felt awkward and shy. But I just always knew that I wanted my children to know their grandparents. So to see my parents with Baby Bear is one of the greatest gifts that I can receive.

Being a parent is the toughest role/job/choice that is out there. You have to balance love and kindness with discipline. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. It is loving unconditionally regardless of if that love is returned. But to be a grandparent, I imagine it's all of the perks and wonders of being a parent, with none of the bad stuff. And more sleep.

Update:

I ditched the mom jeans and chopped about 5 or so inches off my hair. I am a new woman. I went down a size in jeans (holla!) and I'm super pumped. I also started the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred with The Bear and I'm totally loving it. She is a slave driver and it's exactly what I need. And you can't beat the twenty minutes it takes to complete in your own living room. Hopefully I can get rid of some more of the baby weight a FULL YEAR after the baby was freakin' born. She's worth every pound of the fifty that I put on.

We're still in the throes of our move and I feel like it will never be done. Toss in the holiday season and life is really getting busy. But it's wonderful and I wouldn't change it for a thing.

The Barracuda has been sleeping through the night this past week (like 12 hours!) and it has made such a huge difference. I miss our late night snuggling sessions, but I don't miss how exhausted I was. Let's face it, I'm tired enough as it is. She is cruising around the furniture still and on Thanksgiving Day, she pulled herself up on The Bear, let go, and clapped her hands while maintaining her balance. I was so surprised and proud that I cried. This first year has just flown by and I'm so happy-but a little sad-that it's coming to a close. I shake my head and get goose bumps every single time I look at my sweet (and quite sassy) little girl. Watching her discover life has refreshed my own. Every. Single. Day.

Mom Jeans and Short Hair

I'm feeling so frumpy! I'm in desperate need of an ambush makeover. But I am refusing to buy any new clothes until some of the baby weight comes off. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that after the barracuda is weaned that I might magically drop 5-10 lbs that my body has been hanging on to.

As for the hair situation. I'm just sick of pulling it back in to a messy bun. I just look (and feel) unpolished. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my hair, but it'll be something drastic.

The Barracuda is cruising around everything! And she's totally in to making funny faces and sounds. She makes fish faces and when she wears overalls she bears a crazy resemblance to Curious George. I am so scared that the next time I hug her she will break.

The Barracuda just cut another tooth on Sunday, bringing the grand total to 3! Most kiddos her age have a mouth full of pearly whites, but my little peanut is taking after her father and is lagging behind in pushing out those pointy, serrated shark teeth. Fine by me--we're still breastfeeding! I cannot believe I've made it over 9 months breastfeeding my little girl. I'm so happy that I persevered and fought through the sleepless nights (which still occur, by the way) and the tongue tied issue and didn't listen to all of the haters. I feel like I've accomplished a major goal.

In other news, work has become increasingly busy. We are in the middle of some major changes and everyone is at deafcon 7 when it comes to stress. Working part time I feel that I have been exempt from a lot of these feelings. On the other hand, I feel very out of place and out of the loop working part time. I've been struggling with these feelings for awhile and I've been attempting to write about them and post them here but life is just getting away from me. Combine the busyness with the fact that my brain has turned to complete mush...well it's been 5 times as hard for me to write about my feelings of working vs. staying at home. And I have a lot of feelings about this subject matter. Good and bad.