In Love

It's almost impossible to describe the love that I feel for The Barracuda, who is now three months old. I look down at her when she's eating and I just want to swoon. I have actually almost pulled a neck muscle multiple times when I've leaned over to kiss the top of her furry head when she's breastfeeding. When I burp her over my shoulder it takes every ounce of my being to prevent myself from hugging her so hard that she might break. It's totally true how bonded you become to this tiny little person. It's wonderful. I loved her so much when she was born I thought my heart was incapable of loving her even more, but that love has just grown exponentially each day.

I am very protective over The Barracuda. I once read in one of my books that that feeling of protection is something left over from mother nature. They described it like how when you have a family dog; it is a wonderful pet, good natured in spirit, and pleasant to be around. Blah, blah, blah. Then one day, the family dog gives birth to a litter of puppies. When you go over to try and pick up one of the puppies, the family dog barks and snaps. Sometimes I can be that family dog. I'm usually a pleasant individual, some might even say I'm nice to be around. But try and snatch The Barracuda from my arms without asking first, well, then watch me growl. It's my job. It's my job to protect her, keep her well fed, warm, safe and LOVED.

That being said, I still enjoy my time to myself and going to work--which occurred last week. It was a bittersweet ending. But I think I'm a better person and a better mom for going back to work. I've been lucky enough to go back part time and hopefully that will be the perfect balance between family and career. I do however miss her, even though while I'm working, she's sleeping.

Speaking of which, sleeping has gotten much better. Thank you Jesus! She usually goes down sometime between 6-8PM and then is up by 5:30AM. Now if we can just get naps down pat then we'll be in business.

Nursing has gotten better. It still pinches occasionally but I'm finding it so much more enjoyable. One of my favorite activities is to nurse her lying down in bed in the morning. SIDENOTE: I saw a picture on E! of Orlando Bloom's Baby Mama nursing her little one in bed...Holy Moly, do I wish I was that hot while a)nursing b)a couple months postpartum and c)in the morning. Ok, I just had to put that out there. Anyways, one morning I was so sleepy, we just stayed in bed and every time she cried I just fed her until she drifted off to sleep. It was a sweet, lazy morning before I had to go back to work that night.

I was worried about working because while I seemed to be exempt from pregnancy brain, I happened to get a double dose of mommy brain. But I was able to keep my shit together and work turned out just fine. Everyone said it would be like riding a bike. That freaked me out because I'm not the most stellar bike rider. But yes, a lot of it did come back to me. Pumping on the job went well and I did have time to do it, which was good. I'm so proud that I made it three months breastfeeding. To celebrate, I treated myself to some new nursing tank tops that were on sale at Target. I only got two, but I wanted to get, like, five! Plus a couple of cute bras, too. Maybe next time when they go on sale...

Ok...this post is rambling...time to sleep!