Absolutely...

Nothing beats seeing my parents with my daughter. To see their hearts melt as they hold her and play with her. To see my gentle dad bounce The Barracuda up and down makes my heart swell. To see the pride my mom takes in feeding my daughter home cooked meals or how she gladly changes a poopy diaper makes me want to cry with happiness.

Regardless of what your relationship is with your parents, I think you sometimes forget or have an altered memory of your relationship when you were a young child. My relationship is wonderful with my parents as an adult. And I know that it was wonderful as a child. But I feel like I can't even remember what that relationship was like as a young girl! I feel like I can only glean bits and pieces. How freakin' sad!

I didn't really know my grandparents. It wasn't a huge deal, we lived far away from family so the I always felt awkward and shy. But I just always knew that I wanted my children to know their grandparents. So to see my parents with Baby Bear is one of the greatest gifts that I can receive.

Being a parent is the toughest role/job/choice that is out there. You have to balance love and kindness with discipline. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. It is loving unconditionally regardless of if that love is returned. But to be a grandparent, I imagine it's all of the perks and wonders of being a parent, with none of the bad stuff. And more sleep.

Update:

I ditched the mom jeans and chopped about 5 or so inches off my hair. I am a new woman. I went down a size in jeans (holla!) and I'm super pumped. I also started the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred with The Bear and I'm totally loving it. She is a slave driver and it's exactly what I need. And you can't beat the twenty minutes it takes to complete in your own living room. Hopefully I can get rid of some more of the baby weight a FULL YEAR after the baby was freakin' born. She's worth every pound of the fifty that I put on.

We're still in the throes of our move and I feel like it will never be done. Toss in the holiday season and life is really getting busy. But it's wonderful and I wouldn't change it for a thing.

The Barracuda has been sleeping through the night this past week (like 12 hours!) and it has made such a huge difference. I miss our late night snuggling sessions, but I don't miss how exhausted I was. Let's face it, I'm tired enough as it is. She is cruising around the furniture still and on Thanksgiving Day, she pulled herself up on The Bear, let go, and clapped her hands while maintaining her balance. I was so surprised and proud that I cried. This first year has just flown by and I'm so happy-but a little sad-that it's coming to a close. I shake my head and get goose bumps every single time I look at my sweet (and quite sassy) little girl. Watching her discover life has refreshed my own. Every. Single. Day.

Mom Jeans and Short Hair

I'm feeling so frumpy! I'm in desperate need of an ambush makeover. But I am refusing to buy any new clothes until some of the baby weight comes off. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that after the barracuda is weaned that I might magically drop 5-10 lbs that my body has been hanging on to.

As for the hair situation. I'm just sick of pulling it back in to a messy bun. I just look (and feel) unpolished. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my hair, but it'll be something drastic.

The Barracuda is cruising around everything! And she's totally in to making funny faces and sounds. She makes fish faces and when she wears overalls she bears a crazy resemblance to Curious George. I am so scared that the next time I hug her she will break.

The Barracuda just cut another tooth on Sunday, bringing the grand total to 3! Most kiddos her age have a mouth full of pearly whites, but my little peanut is taking after her father and is lagging behind in pushing out those pointy, serrated shark teeth. Fine by me--we're still breastfeeding! I cannot believe I've made it over 9 months breastfeeding my little girl. I'm so happy that I persevered and fought through the sleepless nights (which still occur, by the way) and the tongue tied issue and didn't listen to all of the haters. I feel like I've accomplished a major goal.

In other news, work has become increasingly busy. We are in the middle of some major changes and everyone is at deafcon 7 when it comes to stress. Working part time I feel that I have been exempt from a lot of these feelings. On the other hand, I feel very out of place and out of the loop working part time. I've been struggling with these feelings for awhile and I've been attempting to write about them and post them here but life is just getting away from me. Combine the busyness with the fact that my brain has turned to complete mush...well it's been 5 times as hard for me to write about my feelings of working vs. staying at home. And I have a lot of feelings about this subject matter. Good and bad.

Busy Bee

Things have been quite hectic. I feel like I've lost my mind. Working while trying to settle in to our new house while parenting a 9 month old has proved to be too much for my brain. It's complete mush.

It's quite lovely out here (we have apple trees. WTF!) but it is an adjustment. I've pretty much tripled my drive time to work. Our yard is significantly bigger, so there is more to clean up out there. We have well water and it is AWFUL.

On the plus side. We have carpeting in our living room, a fireplace, a massive kitchen and SO MUCH FREAKIN' SPACE! This is a beautiful home and we're slowly making it our own.

On another note, I've become so overtired and stupid that I can't even figure out how to fill out The Barracuda's baby book. I've screwed it up. I either need to buy white out or a new book and just transfer everything. I have a Master's Degree, people, and I can't even fill out an effin' baby book? The Bear couldn't stop laughing at me.

Time for bed.

9/11/11

Ten years later I will always remember where I was when I heard the news. I was in college (Part Uno) living on the East Side. I was in the shower listening to the radio shampooing my hair. I heard that the first plane hit the WTC and I got out of the shower and turned on the TV. I was standing in my living room with a towel wrapped around me, dripping on to the carpet when I saw the second plane hit. Live.

I will always remember.

Paranoia

Of the milk variety. The Barracuda is officially 8 months old and breastfeeding has suddenly become challenging again. She is has been nosey and easily distracted for months. She has been squirmy for months. Lately it's like she's trying to slither off my lap to run away (if she could run). Well, now, it's like wrestling a freakin' marlin.

I have tried all of the usual tricks like nursing in a quiet, dim room. I have tried a variety of nursing positions. She nurses, at best for 2-3 minutes. I hear her gulping and swallowing but it's only for a little time. I think she's making enough wet diapers, but we just went up a size and sometimes I think that that can mask how much urine she truly makes. A Target brand size 3 is for 16-28 lb baby. That's a huge range! The Barracuda might be 17 lbs at best. I won't know for sure until her weigh in at next months well baby visit.

As far as milk supply goes...I don't really know how much I'm producing. I still pump on occasion and when I'm at work, but Baby Bear isn't so fond of the bottle these days. I mostly use the milk for her oatmeal in the morning. When I do pump, I'm only getting out about 2 oz in the evening. I haven't skipped a feeding and pumped in FOREVER so it would be hard to tell how much I might actually be producing. Especially if I don't regularly pump. And I know that my baby is far more efficient at removing milk from a boob than a pump will ever/can be. But I'm a Type A Worry Wort who likes numbers and objective evidence.

All I know is that The Barracuda is becoming increasingly difficult to feed and my ta-tas aren't as full. And L>R. I still experience the sensation of let down 70% of the time when I nurse her. And I still leak out of the left if I start with the right. WTF? I'm perplexed. No one I know IRL has feeding issues with their little ones. Or sleeping issues for that matter. But alas, this post is about feeding, not sleeping.

Sigh

Life has been super busy. We closed on our old house, which was very exciting, but then the mad dash began to find a new house. Which we did find and we put an offer in on it. I will spare you the details here, but basically the sellers were less than impressed with our first offer and wouldn't budge. We ended up offering and counter offering a couple of times, only to lose the house in the end. It was really a blessing in disguise because if we would have gotten that house for the final amount we offered, I would have been a little embarrassed. The current market almost promises that you should get houses for kick ass deals, and this would not have been a kick ass deal. Whatever, those sellers were jerks.

  So we basically lost a week with that whole mess. We put in an offer on another place that we love (but for reasons different than the first house) and we got it but the previous owners could not close when we needed to because they are scrambling to find a place. SOOOO we moved in with my parents. It's really not that bad--they have plenty of space and have cable and are fun and cook a lot. We have been feasting like kings. So much for trying to lose some of that baby weight. My only complaint, and they know this, is that they seem to still think I'm twelve years old. I guess I will always be their little girl. I'm sure when The Barracuda is 30 I will be constantly hounding her about eating right and getting enough sleep. I'm sure that after decades of worrying about sleeping and eating it's very difficult to just suddenly reprogram your brain a different way.

Speaking of which! The Barracuda is 8 months old today! I cannot believe it! So many fun things have been happening this past month. At the end of June (I think?) she started being able to sit up without being propped up. For over a month now she's been getting up on all fours and rocking around like a crazy person. She also has been getting into a plank position (JC, I can barely do that!) and then the past week she's been able to sort of sit on her hip. She's almost coordinated the movements of crawling and when you hold her in your lap she twists around and scales up your body until she's almost over your shoulder. She's possibly the squirrliest little thing that I've ever seen. And she's finally teething. It looks like both lower incisors have been right under the surface for a week or so, and the left one is about to make a break for it.

I don't really care about the teeth thing too much. It just means that she'll have something sharper in her mouth to bite me with. Because right now she clamps down with those pointy little gums and smiles at me when she's nursing. She gives me this wide-eyed expression, like, "I'm biting you and I know it hurts but I love you so much!" And the physical abuse doesn't stop there. She loves to pinch. She will grab any skin and just pinch. Loose neck skin, back fat, stomach rolls, you name it she'll pinch it. She even gives little tiny snake-bites on your forearm. I think my FAVORITE is when she nurses on my left side she takes her right hand and reaches up to my tricep (or where my tricep should be) and pinches while she eats. She has actually bruised me here. It hurt so bad one night I thought the left side of my face was going to go numb. It was wonderful. 

She's still waking up during the middle of the night. Usually she goes down between 7-8 pm with the occasional 9 pm bedtime. Then she wakes up before midnight once, which I really don't think is that big of a deal. Then sometimes she wakes at 2, then at 5. Other times she'll sleep through until 5 or 6. Sometimes she'll go back down until 7. She never has a problem going back to sleep, which is awesome. It's just a matter of getting up and letting her nurse a little bit. I don't know how I feel about this. I mean, I'm exhausted. And then on the nights I work, The Bear is getting up and he's exhausted. His threshold for sleep deprivation is lower than mine, and I feel bad. But I have to cut her some slack--we've moved back in with my parents and she's sleeping in a pack in play and she's been teething. That's a lot of changes for my little peanut. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, her cry is totally different than before--instead of a whimper, she's full on screaming. And, in the past, she'll stop crying once we pick her up and now it's pretty hard to comfort her unless a boob gets shoved in her mouth. Ugghh, I'm just concerned. We'll be able to get into our new place Sep. 15. I have lofty goals that by her nine month check up that things will be a little less crazy and maybe I can troubleshoot this problem with our pediatrician. She really has no problem going to sleep, it's staying asleep for a prolonged period of time that is the issue. She also naps twice a day, so I feel like I can't complain TOO much.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Lots of new things going on here. We sold our lair and are currently hunting for a new abode. It has been relatively stressful, but I think we're coping just fine considering that we were outbid on a beautiful house. That's OK. We ended up bidding on another beautiful home. Good problems to have, right?

Baby Bear is going to be 7 months on Monday. I cannot believe I have a 7 month old! And she is awesome. I think the sun shines out of her ass. I really do. This past week she has been up on all fours and has mastered the fine art of sitting independently. Now when she sits on the couch she grabs the arm rest and peers over it like she might find lost treasure. All very exciting things.

I'm still breastfeeding and still loving it. Especially since Baby Bear has zero teeth. She still knows how to bite me. I don't love her any less for it, but man oh man does it really hurt. I think I actually cried once.

She's still waking up during the night about 75% of the time to eat. I'm OK with it since she's so petite. If I had a 20 lb chunker (like so many of my friends do) I would probably tell her to roll over and go back to bed. I don't know, maybe it's the oxytocin high, but I really don't mind it. There's something so precious about snuggling in the wee hours of the morning and watching her eat with her eyes closed. She's so calm and sleepy and sweet. Which is a little different from the nosey, distracted, albeit sweet 7 month old that I feed during daylight hours. Soon enough she will be scrambling to get off of my lap. Before you know it, she'll be screaming at me about how much she hates me because I won't let her wear something or do something and I'll be looking back wistfully at those 3 AM feedings, right?

Apparently Size Does Matter

With babies at least. Random strangers will approach us and remark how small she is. Yes, she is only 25% for weight, but she's 75% for length. She's on the growth chart people--there are actual thriving babies that aren't. But remarking on how small she is isn't the bad part. It's the actual disbelief that some people show when we say that she is 5.5 months old:

RANDOM IDIOT: What a beautiful baby!

ME: Thanks!

RANDOM IDIOT: How old is she?

ME: A little over 5 months.

RANDOM IDIOT: Really? She doesn't look a day over 3 months.

ME: She's 5 months old.

RANDOM IDIOT: So small...

I wanted to scream, "FU lady!" while I kicked her shins.

Then the following week:

STUPID MORON: She's so small!

ME: Well, she's 25% for weight, 75% height. Her pediatrician says she's perfectly healthy.

STUPID MORON: Really? How much does she weigh?

ME: She was 7# 10oz at birth and at her 4 month check she was 12# 5oz. She's over 5 months now.

STUPID MORON: Well, I just don't believe that she's over 12 lbs.

WTF you piece of shit! I almost said, "Well, if you want, you can certainly accompany us to our next doctor's appointment. You know, for your own piece of mind."

I know that I shouldn't let this bother me, but seriously, random people come up to us all the time. Since when did it become acceptable for people to become such idiots? I guess I'm just shocked...although, I really shouldn't be. I should remember how random people would tell me how small I looked when I was pregnant. Did I ever mention how a coworker lovingly stroked my belly and said, "It's a boy. Five, maybe 6 pounds?" I wanted to swat her hand away and say, "Five pounds!? Where the hell did the other 45 go?" That's ok, the jokes on her, Baby Bear was very average in weight and lacked a penis.

Moral of this story: Grow some balls and don't listen to anyone (random stranger or friends) when it comes to my baby's weight. It's between us and her pediatrician, who happens to think that she's small, but very very healthy and social.

Coming up: Flying with Baby Bear...our coastal adventures!

Oy, my ta-tas!

Breastfeeding. Did I ever mention how I anticipated breastfeeding when I was pregnant? I used to imagine placing my child lovingly to my breast while they gently suckled to feed. There may have even been fake wind in this fantasy, I know there were blue birds chirping and possibly even landing on my shoulders. I mean, how could it be hard? It's so NATURAL, DUH. It's the best thing for your baby AND you bond with them.

Surprisingly only one person open mouth laughed at me when I described this vision (without the wind and birds). During those late, painful hours, I actually heard her laugh echoing in my head. God, I can only imagine how many more people made fun of me behind my back.

Dude, breastfeeding is HARD. Baby Bear is 4 months and some change and only recently have I found it rewarding. Now, we have had some obstacles. First, Baby Bear was tongue tied. Now, while that may not affect some babies, it sure prevented Baby Bear from sticking out her tongue, so she was biting down when latching. Hence the nickname The Barracuda. I remember it hurting so bad that I sobbed during an entire feeding. My toes used to curl and I swear once I thought I was going to pee from the pain. I was very lucky I never cracked or bled.

Then I got thrush. And that took awhile to clear up despite Jack Newman's magic nipple cream or whatever the hell that was that I was using. It didn't matter, all I kept thinking was, " EWWWW! You have a yeast infection on your boobies!"

It took 3 weeks for us to see an ENT who promptly clipped it after making strange remarks about how if we didn't have The Barracuda's phrenulum clipped she would have a hard time eating peanut butter when she was older and have difficulty with "Sexual things, you know like kissing." Ummmm, I don't really want to think about that with my 3 WEEK OLD DAUGHTER WEIRDO! She tolerated the procedure quite well. Two snips with a tiny scissors and lots o' money later (half of which insurance covered) and she was good to go. She didn't even whimper. That's how sleepy of a new born I had. But the damage had been done...3 weeks of an incorrect latch and the little stinker still liked to bite even though she could stick her tongue out halfway down her chin.

After a phone call to the lactation consultant, I was instructed to try to get her to mimic me sticking out my tongue when she was alert. This was supposed to help her stick out her tongue before she latched on. She occasionally does this. The reality is that while she's trying to latch on, I yell, "Open wide! Stick out your tongue!" and I get my nipples pinched. 20 weeks later, it only pinches for a second, or in the morning when I'm engorged.

I'll never forget the day I finally figured out how to breastfeed laying down. It was amazing. Perhaps that's when I really felt the bonding. Snuggling with The Barracuda while she nursed and I rubbed her furry little head. It was amazing. Whoever thought you could fall asleep with pain shooting towards your armpits while someone took a cheese grater to your nipples? I guess I was really that tired.

Despite all of the pain and hard work, I find it so amazing (and still a little weird) that our bodies can do this. I mean, obviously we're MAMMALS but I guess you don't really realize that until you put those mammary glands to good use. It's crazy to think that I make food for my daughter without warming or prepping or baking anything.

I've made it to 4 months, now I'd like to make it to 5. I find that setting small goals is the best for me right now. I would probably find it much more amazing/wonderful if I had a roley-poley piglet. Alas, I have a long, lean supermodel. Our pediatrician isn't worried, she just gently reminded me that we should watch it because she is slipping down a growth curve each visit. Which is strange because this child is attached to my boobies all day long. And she is shitting up a storm. You know how you hear that breastfed babies don't poop as often? Not our girl, every morning it's like clockwork and now that I've started a little rice cereal, it's during the afternoon too.

So, yes, breastfeeding was/is difficult. But it is SO SO SO rewarding right now and I am so so so happy that I've stuck it out thus far. I still want to bitch slap anyone who says that you might experience "some discomfort" for a week or two, though. Me and my sore nipples say screw you.

R.I.P. Miracle Blanket

O Glorious Miracle Blanket, thank you for those wonderful hours and occasional nights of uninterrupted sleep. You will be sadly missed. The Barracuda is now 14 weeks old and you are no longer recommended, nor do you really fit. No one could swaddle as good as you. Sigh.

I meant to post this yesterday...

Exactly one year ago, I was showing The Bear how to give an injection. I'm sitting here watching The Barracuda swing and grin at a giraffe toy...and one year ago it all started...

In Love

It's almost impossible to describe the love that I feel for The Barracuda, who is now three months old. I look down at her when she's eating and I just want to swoon. I have actually almost pulled a neck muscle multiple times when I've leaned over to kiss the top of her furry head when she's breastfeeding. When I burp her over my shoulder it takes every ounce of my being to prevent myself from hugging her so hard that she might break. It's totally true how bonded you become to this tiny little person. It's wonderful. I loved her so much when she was born I thought my heart was incapable of loving her even more, but that love has just grown exponentially each day.

I am very protective over The Barracuda. I once read in one of my books that that feeling of protection is something left over from mother nature. They described it like how when you have a family dog; it is a wonderful pet, good natured in spirit, and pleasant to be around. Blah, blah, blah. Then one day, the family dog gives birth to a litter of puppies. When you go over to try and pick up one of the puppies, the family dog barks and snaps. Sometimes I can be that family dog. I'm usually a pleasant individual, some might even say I'm nice to be around. But try and snatch The Barracuda from my arms without asking first, well, then watch me growl. It's my job. It's my job to protect her, keep her well fed, warm, safe and LOVED.

That being said, I still enjoy my time to myself and going to work--which occurred last week. It was a bittersweet ending. But I think I'm a better person and a better mom for going back to work. I've been lucky enough to go back part time and hopefully that will be the perfect balance between family and career. I do however miss her, even though while I'm working, she's sleeping.

Speaking of which, sleeping has gotten much better. Thank you Jesus! She usually goes down sometime between 6-8PM and then is up by 5:30AM. Now if we can just get naps down pat then we'll be in business.

Nursing has gotten better. It still pinches occasionally but I'm finding it so much more enjoyable. One of my favorite activities is to nurse her lying down in bed in the morning. SIDENOTE: I saw a picture on E! of Orlando Bloom's Baby Mama nursing her little one in bed...Holy Moly, do I wish I was that hot while a)nursing b)a couple months postpartum and c)in the morning. Ok, I just had to put that out there. Anyways, one morning I was so sleepy, we just stayed in bed and every time she cried I just fed her until she drifted off to sleep. It was a sweet, lazy morning before I had to go back to work that night.

I was worried about working because while I seemed to be exempt from pregnancy brain, I happened to get a double dose of mommy brain. But I was able to keep my shit together and work turned out just fine. Everyone said it would be like riding a bike. That freaked me out because I'm not the most stellar bike rider. But yes, a lot of it did come back to me. Pumping on the job went well and I did have time to do it, which was good. I'm so proud that I made it three months breastfeeding. To celebrate, I treated myself to some new nursing tank tops that were on sale at Target. I only got two, but I wanted to get, like, five! Plus a couple of cute bras, too. Maybe next time when they go on sale...

Ok...this post is rambling...time to sleep!

The Fine Art of Sleep

Ahhh sleep...something that doesn't occur too often in this household. Before The Barracuda was born, I read a couple of different books regarding sleep. Many of the books had principles that sounded so easy to apply. And then The Barracuda was born and all of that great advice goes flying out the window. Like don't co-sleep. Ok, guess what? If I've only slept 3 hours, do you think it's safe for me to try and drowsily take a flight of stairs with a newborn who's head control is sketchy at best? Or is the safer option to keep her next to me in bed?

Now after The Barracuda arrived, I can see what some of these books are actually talking about. I read Babywise (don't be a hater) and while I certainly do not believe in crying it out or denying my child food b/c it's not "time yet." I do think there are some good things about this book...like keeping your kiddo up after they eat during the day. It's not advisable for adults to eat a large meal and then lay down on the couch. Although, I think we can all admit that it feels pretty freakin' awesome to do it.

When I finally got around to The Happiest Baby on the Block, I found that we were already applying almost all of those principles (courtesy of my mom) except for the side sleeping. We are huge fans of the swaddle and the miracle blanket was probably one of the best gifts ever. I also think there is really something to be said about this whole "4th trimester" stuff and how underdeveloped a baby's nervous system can be. Hello Moro Reflex!

I knew this was going to be difficult, but I had no idea it would be THIS difficult. As much as I love my little girl and cherish all of her smiles and coos (even if most of these are reserved for her boyfriend, the ceiling fan), I am still challenged by her. Sleep being the most challenging part of our life right now. I am just so perplexed. First off, The Barracuda comes from a long line of sleepy people. Seriously. Her Lolo has been known to start snoring mid sentence. Secondly, if I'm tired; I LAY DOWN AND GO TO SLEEP. I DO NOT start screaming my head off until my face is purple and wait for someone to wrap me up tightly, start shushing in my ear while swinging and jiggling me around all over the freakin' room. And yet, somehow this is how she will fall asleep in the evening. I swaddle her, start swinging her around, sometimes she takes her Nuk, and then about 5 to 10 minutes later her eyes start rolling back in her head. The minute I sit down or try to lay her down, her eyes will pop open. We try again. Lather, rinse, repeat. We have been trying to lay her down while she's drowsy so she will learn the art of putting herself back to sleep. But I have to be honest, after the fifth time of doing this, I will hold her until she's sound asleep so I can give my aching feet and back a break.

The past week, the night time sleep routine has gotten better. We put her down sometime between 6 and 8 PM depending on what's going on. She sleeps until about midnight, but as late as 2AM, wakes up, eats decently, and then goes back to bed. Then she wakes up again, usually at 4AM, but once she woke up at 6AM-hurray! I'm hoping that we can improve on napping during the day, which she does not like to do. And I strongly believe that her poor napping skills are contributing to her many MANY meltdowns that occur when we try to leave our house and actually do normal adult things like run errands, visit the grandparents, go to church or lunch with friends.

Ok, that's all I have to say about this topic. You should hear what I have to say about breastfeeding (her nickname is The Barracuda, after all). I am still BF and she seems to be gaining weight appropriately, even if she is a little small. But BF was a challenge. I will save that post for another day and after a post where all I talk about is her awesome-ness...because I fear this post is a titch negative...and I truly love my amazing daughter.

Where have you been?

Well, birthing and parenting! It's been quite some time. What can I say, giving birth was exhausting and my recovery was slow.

Here's what happened:
-I was due December 26, 2010. I was over due and was induced January 1, 2011.

-Most people thought I was having a boy, GASP! I give birth to a beautiful girl, and I let The Bear come up with her first name. Her middle name is her gma's middle name-one of the most awesome ladies I know.

-Induction is uber painful, I only lasted 5 hours before I begged for my epidural.

-My epidural was fabulous. So fabulous that I couldn't lift my leg 2 hours after my baby girl was born. Thank goodness because I needed an hour of repair work.

Here's what I wasn't prepped for:
-How freakin' sore I would be! Not just my bottom, my back, my arms, etc.

-How hormonal I would be. The crying for no reason. The feeling like I was going to be permanently stuck in that emotional state.

-How difficult breastfeeding would be. And guess what, it's still not easy!

Here's what I love:
-The million names that I have come up with for this little one, including; peepers, gremlin, kitten, Lady Jane, sweet pea, and Muffin

-The smiles and grins, even if they are in her sleep or at the ceiling fan. Every once in a great while, she makes eye contact and smiles.

-How intently she listens to me when we have our chats on the changing table.

-Staring at her face after her eyes have closed during a late night feeding. The way her eyelashes fall against her cheek and the smooth skin that is the exact same shade as mine.

There are so many more things I love about this sweet girl, I can't even begin to capture them all here. I hope to keep blogging...it was a journey for us to get here and I know we will keep having adventures with this little individual.